Tuesday, May 8, 2012
The Grand Illusion
Good day today friends. Had a visit to the doctor for quarterly check up. Good news is that I am going to live. Bad news is cholesterol was up so have to start a statin.
Can't say I have much to say today except give somebody a hug for no reason.
Will be back tomorrow.
Peace
Rusty
Monday, May 7, 2012
Another Brick in the Wall
So today was a better day. Still feeling a little down at times. Depression seems to some in an intermittent mode. I can now understand how someone can be depressed and friends never know about it. I go out each day and put on a happy face to my friends and family despite how I feel on the inside. Enough on that for now.
I am back on my regular gym schedule. I have a 5 day routine which is working much better than my 7 day routine. When I had a 7 day gym routine it was almost impossible to make it every day and when I missed I was really hard on myself and got really down about missing. 5 days a week is much more realistic and I feel really good about myself because I don't have the guilt of missing a day.
Today I attended a meditation class. It was non-denominational guided meditation. It was my first time to attend a class or actually meditate. I really enjoyed it. I plan to add this to my Monday schedule every week.
Now on a total Rusty's Thoughts note: We all need to learn to say "I love you" to the people we love. Don't be afraid of those three little words or if the other person feels the same about you. There is nothing wrong with loving someone for no reason. Think about it, as a species we really have no problem expressing anger. How many times have we been cut off on the road, or someone does something that ticks us off and we have no problem giving a rude gesture or mumbling something off color under our breath. Now think about how many times you have just walked up to someone and said I love you or given them a hug for no real reason.
I have a challenge for everyone. Tomorrow stop yourself everytime you have a negative or angry thought. You will be surprised at how negative we have become and we do not even realize we are doing it.
Peace everyone and I will write more tomorrow.
Rusty
Sunday, May 6, 2012
Sometimes beautiful art just covers a hole in the wall
Again it has been a long time since I have written. I have been on a little bit of a rollercoaster of late. I never understood people who suffered from depression and anxiety before. Its seems though of late i have had to deal with it myself. I have realised these past few months that naybe I havent been as good a friend to others as I could have been so I find myself now feelin like I have nobody to talk to about things going on in my life.
So I will take my therapy to the internet - why not? I am not sure what I feel comfortable saying here so I will close tonight by saying I will survive and I am not at a dangerous poin as of thid moment. I will try to post more tomorrow and see what I feel lime sharing then.
Goodnight all and may you all find peace and love in your lives.
Rusty
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Dating Again
So I attended a social function tonight for gay men. Tuesday Night Supper Club, kind of a social and networking group that I got invited to by two men I met at a happy hour a couple of weeks ago.
I was chatting with them when a man (Wade) came in and caught my eye. I was interested but I am really kind of awkward in these situations. I either never say anything to people I am interested in or I go overboard and just dont stop.
My friends encouraged me to say hello and so I did. We chatted a few minutes and then the group mentality took over and we ended up in a group of people all chatting about different things.
I was asking his friend about him and his friend said to go talk with him again. It was then I realized (and told his friend) I want someone to want to talk to me and/or ask me out. I have spent my whole life pursuing those I am interested in and never has anyone pursued me. This time I want the latter.
BTW the function was great and I met some wonderful people!
I was chatting with them when a man (Wade) came in and caught my eye. I was interested but I am really kind of awkward in these situations. I either never say anything to people I am interested in or I go overboard and just dont stop.
My friends encouraged me to say hello and so I did. We chatted a few minutes and then the group mentality took over and we ended up in a group of people all chatting about different things.
I was asking his friend about him and his friend said to go talk with him again. It was then I realized (and told his friend) I want someone to want to talk to me and/or ask me out. I have spent my whole life pursuing those I am interested in and never has anyone pursued me. This time I want the latter.
BTW the function was great and I met some wonderful people!
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Back from a LONG Break
Hello everyone (or just me),
I have returned from a very long hiatus from writing on here. It has been a long journey for me the past what 3 years now. I ended one long term relationship, got involved in another relationship that led to a domestic partnership and is now in divorce court and while that was going on had another shorter term relationship and am now currently single. Wow, what a roller coaster ride that was.
I would have to say that I am not exactly thrilled with how it all turned out but all things in life happen for a reason. Everything that has transpired has made me a better person.
I even went to Los Angeles to live for a short while and that was probably the biggest mistake I have made in years. I left a good job here in Palm Springs to follow someone for love and in hopes that a new place would fix some old problems. I have to report to you all that it did not (nor did it ever) work.
Fortunately, I have a great support system here in Palm Springs so I was able to return here pretty much with nothing and I have been getting along okay. I am back at my old job (I am a hair stylist) at Josef Saliba Salon downtown and I love it. I have had a place to live thanks to friends and am getting ready to move back into my house (thats another long story) so things are getting back on track.
I met some great people along the way but I also lost a couple of friends on that same road. Funny how that can happen.
I have been alone (and living alone) for about 6 weeks now. While at times it has been a little lonely I think we all need that time alone to reflect and think. I have also been studying Buddhism a little bit again and that provides a lot of self examination and introspection.
Thanksgiving has passed this week and although I make very little money at the moment and I am living in a hotel room (for 6 months now) I still feel I have lots to be thankful for. I have friends that care about me and that is more important than wealth or fame. I have family (my brothers and to some extent my father) that still care for me and oddly enough I have a lot of friends on facebook (most of which I have never actually met) that have really helped me through the last few years. (Oh and if you have read my few previous posts I still play World of Warcraft)
I have taken this blog a few different places from talking about my journey back into the leather community (which did not end well (due to a relationship, not the community)) to just a place for me to talk about whatever comes to mind for me.
So my question(s) to you, the readers is/are:
What would you like me to talk about?
Do you have any comments?
Is anyone even reading this?
Email me at Rusty04@gmail.com
I have returned from a very long hiatus from writing on here. It has been a long journey for me the past what 3 years now. I ended one long term relationship, got involved in another relationship that led to a domestic partnership and is now in divorce court and while that was going on had another shorter term relationship and am now currently single. Wow, what a roller coaster ride that was.
I would have to say that I am not exactly thrilled with how it all turned out but all things in life happen for a reason. Everything that has transpired has made me a better person.
I even went to Los Angeles to live for a short while and that was probably the biggest mistake I have made in years. I left a good job here in Palm Springs to follow someone for love and in hopes that a new place would fix some old problems. I have to report to you all that it did not (nor did it ever) work.
Fortunately, I have a great support system here in Palm Springs so I was able to return here pretty much with nothing and I have been getting along okay. I am back at my old job (I am a hair stylist) at Josef Saliba Salon downtown and I love it. I have had a place to live thanks to friends and am getting ready to move back into my house (thats another long story) so things are getting back on track.
I met some great people along the way but I also lost a couple of friends on that same road. Funny how that can happen.
I have been alone (and living alone) for about 6 weeks now. While at times it has been a little lonely I think we all need that time alone to reflect and think. I have also been studying Buddhism a little bit again and that provides a lot of self examination and introspection.
Thanksgiving has passed this week and although I make very little money at the moment and I am living in a hotel room (for 6 months now) I still feel I have lots to be thankful for. I have friends that care about me and that is more important than wealth or fame. I have family (my brothers and to some extent my father) that still care for me and oddly enough I have a lot of friends on facebook (most of which I have never actually met) that have really helped me through the last few years. (Oh and if you have read my few previous posts I still play World of Warcraft)
I have taken this blog a few different places from talking about my journey back into the leather community (which did not end well (due to a relationship, not the community)) to just a place for me to talk about whatever comes to mind for me.
So my question(s) to you, the readers is/are:
What would you like me to talk about?
Do you have any comments?
Is anyone even reading this?
Email me at Rusty04@gmail.com
Sunday, August 17, 2008
Going on a short vacation
Just wanted to say I am going to go on a short cruise starting tomorrow. I will be back Friday so I should be writing again on Saturday. Don't miss me too much!
Thursday, August 14, 2008
World of Warcraft
Okay so today is not so serious. Today I just wanna say, "I like playing World of Warcraft!" There I said it. Does that make me a geek, a freak, a nerd or whatever? I only mention this becuase we all need an escape from the everyday grind and troubles in the world. WoW is mine.
I have 10 characters (or toons) I play ranging from level 11 to level 49. 8 are alliance, 2 are horde. I have a character for every mood I might be in. For example when I have a bad day and want to relieve frustration I play my warrior and just beat the crap out of stuff in the game. If I am feeling good, happy and helpful I play my priest and assist others.
The one thing about this damn game though is that it is addictive. I find myself spending 8 - 10 hours at a time playing, sometimes for 2 or 3 days in a row. Yeah I know - it could be considered a waste of time but I am not killing anyone and I am not drinking and driving. Which leads to another point. Violent video games do not lead to violence in life.
If anything the opposite it true. Boring, silly, non-violent video games lead to violence. When I was a kid the granddaddy of all video games was the only one - pong! After countless, mindless hours of watching that black and white screen with a square ball bouncing back and forth I wanted to go out and kill someone.
Video games are a modern escape no different than other generations escapes in the past. My grandfather used to go hunting as a child to pass the time - seriously how much more violent a passtime than that can you have unless you are Jeffrey Dahmer? He never once in his 98 years hurt or killed another person. Modern video games are just an escape from reality. Kids CAN distinguish between games and life and if they can't then the game is the least of the worries.
Wait a second - that was pretty serious stuff. I just wanted to talk about my geeky habit of playing a game. My bad!
Well, with all that I guess I have said enough. My main toon is named Ammanra on the Turalyon server so if you are also a WoW person and see me online say hi - and give me a lot of gold or I will beat the crap out of you - ooops! I mean ... so I can give you a big game hug!
I have 10 characters (or toons) I play ranging from level 11 to level 49. 8 are alliance, 2 are horde. I have a character for every mood I might be in. For example when I have a bad day and want to relieve frustration I play my warrior and just beat the crap out of stuff in the game. If I am feeling good, happy and helpful I play my priest and assist others.
The one thing about this damn game though is that it is addictive. I find myself spending 8 - 10 hours at a time playing, sometimes for 2 or 3 days in a row. Yeah I know - it could be considered a waste of time but I am not killing anyone and I am not drinking and driving. Which leads to another point. Violent video games do not lead to violence in life.
If anything the opposite it true. Boring, silly, non-violent video games lead to violence. When I was a kid the granddaddy of all video games was the only one - pong! After countless, mindless hours of watching that black and white screen with a square ball bouncing back and forth I wanted to go out and kill someone.
Video games are a modern escape no different than other generations escapes in the past. My grandfather used to go hunting as a child to pass the time - seriously how much more violent a passtime than that can you have unless you are Jeffrey Dahmer? He never once in his 98 years hurt or killed another person. Modern video games are just an escape from reality. Kids CAN distinguish between games and life and if they can't then the game is the least of the worries.
Wait a second - that was pretty serious stuff. I just wanted to talk about my geeky habit of playing a game. My bad!
Well, with all that I guess I have said enough. My main toon is named Ammanra on the Turalyon server so if you are also a WoW person and see me online say hi - and give me a lot of gold or I will beat the crap out of you - ooops! I mean ... so I can give you a big game hug!
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